


maybe us, maybe you

by heyshawty



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Middle School, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Coming of Age, Crushes, Fluff, Growing Up, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of math, at least i tried to make it ambiguous, chenle and jisung are basically just mentioned, rated T for slight swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:54:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25215832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyshawty/pseuds/heyshawty
Summary: Donghyuck is lying across two plastic chairs and attempting a nap when Renjun says, “You and Mark would be cute together.”“Me and Mark? Mark Lee?” Donghyuck chokes out a laugh. “Why do you say that? We’re just friends. Kind of. More like slightly glorified acquaintances.”“I don’t know,” Renjun shrugs. “I just get a vibe, you know?”“No, I don’t.” Donghyuck shakes his head to rid himself of his friend’s words. “You’re so weird.”
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, markmin for a hot second
Comments: 27
Kudos: 140





	maybe us, maybe you

**Author's Note:**

> this is set in small-town midwestern america, and all the dreamies are asian-american (except mark--he’s asian-canadian). compared to my other fics i wrote, this fic is a bit personal so i hope u like it :]

When they first meet, Donghyuck views Mark Lee as an impossibility. There’s no way someone like that exists.

Maybe it’s because of their age. Fifth graders are at the top of the world, and everyone admires them (especially fourth graders, like the fifth grade wannabes most of them are).

In any case, it starts in elementary school where the biggest problem for most children is skinned knees and avoiding getting shocked by the yellow plastic slide. But Donghyuck isn’t “most children”. His parents solidified that in his brain in first grade when he came back from school with a solid 5/10 on his math worksheets. 

“We’re not mad,” his mom had said, a tiny frown etched into her face. “Just a little disappointed. You can do better Hyuckie, we know you can.”

Thus starts his summers full of make-up classes, _extra_ classes, and Kumon. Always Kumon. On afternoons where the sun is golden and round and the sky holds no visible clouds, Donghyuck sits at the hard plastic tables drilling away at Kumon sheets until his eyes nearly glaze over. It’s not the most ideal way to spend his summers, but Donghyuck knows he needs to do better. 

The only slice of compensation he gets is that he isn’t alone. In his summer Kumon class, there are other children just like him, children coerced into doing worksheet upon worksheet of math instead of running around and playing ball outside. It is in his Kumon class that Donghyuck meets Renjun Huang the summer before third grade. They goof off during breaks and talk about the best movies, the coolest online games to play, and everything in-between. Donghyuck finds it’s easy to talk to Renjun even if they both give the teacher a bit of a headache, but Donghyuck could care less. 

They don’t go to the same elementary school, and Donghyuck finds it sad when they have to split at the end of summer. They exchange emails (users sunluver@gmail.com and moominsmirror@yahoo.com see a spike in activity) and go their separate ways. They won’t see each other again until middle school, because Renjun’s family decides to take him back to the motherland for summers to study instead. But middle school is eons away, so for now, Donghyuck mourns the loss of a new friend.

\----

Third grade is when life as Donghyuck knows it ends.

That’s a little dramatic. But third grade really solidifies the changes in his future and shapes what will be the rest of his schooling life until the end of high school. The school decides to create a special “gifted and talented” program for “gifted and talented” kids. The news comes in the form of those dinky one-page newsletters the teachers send home every week. Donghyuck never bothers to read them, and he regrets not hiding it sooner; otherwise, he wouldn’t be in this situation.

“A gifted and talented program!” His mom gushes. “Donghyuck, you must take the test and get in. It’ll be such a good experience!”

He roils and weeps about all the extra work there must be, but his mom refuses to hear it. Helpless, he turns to his dad, who only shrugs in response. “It is a good experience for you, kid. Besides, there’s no harm in trying.”

So, Donghyuck reviews his times tables and his addition and subtraction every day. He sits at the kitchen table for so long he’s surprised his butt hasn’t made an indent in the seats. But as much as he complains, Donghyuck still does study diligently. His parents had promised him a reward if he gets in. Maybe he can even get an entire game system.

Third grade comes and goes like this, with Donghyuck reviewing and studying for this test at the end of the year. He takes it, he passes, and his parents are beyond the moon with joy. 

“We knew you could do it,” they say with giant smiles on their faces. Donghyuck grips his new Xbox controllers with glee. 

The summer before Donghyuck starts fourth grade in the new program passes uneventfully. His parents relax their hold on his summer studies a bit now that he proved he exceeded expectations and entered the new program. However, Donghyuck still has to go to summer Kumon classes and he spends the time missing Renjun’s presence. He spends most of the rest of the summer messing around with his new (new!) Xbox with his dad, and they both get addicted to Lego Star Wars: The Video Game.

Before Donghyuck knows it, summer ends and fourth grade and a new era begins.

\-----

So, Mark Lee.

An impossibility. Donghyuck doesn’t know how else to feel about him. 

They don’t officially meet each other until four months into the school year, but he almost feels like he’s known Mark his entire life with the amount of things he’d heard. His teachers, classmates, heck, even his _parents_ all murmur little pieces of information almost every single day.

(“Do you know a boy named Mark Lee at your school?”

Donghyuck nods. His mom hums in a pleased tone. 

“I met his mom today at the grocery store and I got to know some things about them. Did you know he won a math award at his old school? And he’s good at basketball too. You should befriend him, invite him over to our house!”

Donghyuck flees before she can grill him or suggest anything else.)

Within the first four months, Donghyuck learns Mark’s favorite fruit is watermelon, hates the color brown, and he moved to the US from Canada (Canada! Another impossibility--Canadians don’t exist) all without ever talking to the other. 

When they _do_ finally meet, it’s a little lackluster for all the built-up suspense.

They meet on the first meeting for the program’s new math team, which is a group of around 15 kids who either had a genuine interest in math, like Mark Lee, or kids like Donghyuck, who’s parents forced them to join the team.

Mark Lee is skinny and holds billions of questions in his eyes alone. From the very first math team meeting, it’s obvious Mark is on another level--he’s able to answer all the practice problems with ease and even helps explain concepts to other kids.

Yes, Donghyuck is one of those kids. He’s not particularly proud of it, but Mark is really good at explaining. He sits at a table across from Mark, listening as the older patiently explains how to cross multiply and the trick to figuring out divisibility by 3. 

During break, Mark makes his way over to Donghyuck as he gathers all his items. He takes in the sight of the other boy, and Donghyuck almost wants to shrink under his gaze. But, he holds his ground and waves as Mark comes closer.

“My mom told me a lot of things about you.” Mark says. “Maybe we can be friends.”

 _Friends_. That’s a simple enough request; simple is good. Donghyuck shrugs, “Sure.”

Yet, Donghyuck should have known it was another impossibility. To someone like Donghyuck, it’s impossible to be just friends with someone like Mark Lee. 

Fourth grade goes on like this, with the math team and Mark Lee. Even though they’re “friends” by name, Mark and Donghyuck don’t interact all that often. They still run by different schedules, and none of their classes intertwine. Math team is the one place they’re able to see each other and, even then, they’re always busy.

Fourth grade ends like this, with Mark and Donghyuck barely acknowledging the other’s presence, but enough to not quite make them strangers either. It’s awkward, and the year ends with them speaking less than 100 words to each other. 

Oh, well. There’s always next time.

\---

Fifth grade is (arguably) Donghyuck’s worst year ever.

This year, the program decides to expand to include everyone from grades kindergarten through eighth grade. Donghyuck is over the moon--he gets to stay with his friends for a little bit longer _and_ his parents would be happy to have him stay in the program--but finds out quickly that it’s not the case.

“We’d actually like you to go to a regular middle school,” Donghyuck’s dad tells him one night. “The program is good and all, but I’ve just learned the middle school offers a similar program, but with more resources and activities.”

Donghyuck looks at his parents dubiously. His mom stares back, a nervous smile planted on her face. “We know how much you like the people at the program, but there are nice people at the middle school too! You remember Mark, don’t you? He’ll be there to help!”

Ah, yes. Mark. How could he forget?

In the short time Mark’s family had been in the community, Donghyuck’s mom had all but completely apprehended Mark’s mom and formed a friendship with her. Donghyuck’s mom had tried to get Mark to come over once, but Donghyuck rejected the suggestion so vehemently she scrapped the idea. 

“I don’t get why you’re so against having them over,” his mom grumbles to him one night. “They’re nice people, and you and Mark could be really great friends.”

Donghyuck just shovels more food in his mouth. 

It’s not that he doesn’t like Mark Lee, oh no. Mark Lee is everything anyone could want in someone--he’s nice, respectful, smart, and he’s able to do a billion things and somehow have time to have a social life.

He’s probably just threatened by the amount of things Mark is able to do. After all, he’s established long ago that Mark seems way too unreal. 

But, once his parents have their minds set on something, it’s nearly impossible to get them to change their mind. Donghyuck gets enrolled into the middle school, and none of his elementary school friends are going to be with him. 

In addition, as if the universe wanted to rub in all the pain, Renjun stops replying to his emails. 

Life is hard. 10-year-old Donghyuck sulks as he trudges through the rest of the school year. 

On the last day of fifth grade, his class throws a going-away party just for him. Donghyuck is so sad to leave all his friends he actually cries. 

“Don’t worry,” his teacher tells him. “You’ll do great there. You’ll do great wherever you are.”

Donghyuck holds her words close to his heart as he leaves his school for the last time.

\---

Middle school, Donghyuck decides, is overrated.

As soon as he steps into the middle school, he’s hit with the distinct scent of eighth grade boys and the shrill laughs of seventh grade girls. Cliques exist everywhere, the school is on a level of big Donghyuck never felt before, and he’s never felt quite so _alone_.

He scurries down the halls to his classes, trying to avoid eye contact with the older kids. The teachers are snappier, the classes feel longer, and Donghyuck literally feels like he’s gone to hell.

He hates it.

The only breath of fresh air he feels is when he finds Renjun again (who stopped replying to his emails because he forgot his password) when they’re both lost and roaming the halls and, for the first time in a while, everything in the world feels all right. 

As with elementary school, the middle school holds a math team. As per his parents' request, Donghyuck signs up for the first meeting on the clipboard hanging off the door of a math teacher’s classroom. 

He’s not quite sure why he keeps signing up for these math teams. He’s not incredibly good at math--not in the way Mark Lee is, at least.

Speaking of Mark, Donghyuck wonders if he’d be at the math team meeting. _Probably_ , Donghyuck thinks as he makes his way to the club room. If things hadn’t changed from when Mark was in fifth grade, then he probably still joins things like the math team. 

Lo and behold, there’s Mark. He waves at Donghyuck when he walks through the door, and Donghyuck offers a slight smile in response. 

The middle school math team is considerably harder than the elementary school math team. Donghyuck’s head swims as he stares at the concepts and problems on the page, nearly tearing his hair out in frustration at the taunting words and letters. Renjun joins the team as well, and Donghyuck finds comfort in the way they struggle together. _Just like in our Kumon days_ , he thinks, bittersweetly.

But, where there are strugglers, there are people that thrive.

Much like in the elementary school team, Mark shines. Despite only being in seventh grade, Mark is able to answer questions not even the older eighth graders can answer. He’s fast and always scarily accurate. It’s a little awe-inspiring, if Donghyuck is being honest. 

“I heard he’s been taking high school classes since last year.” Renjun whispers back, and Donghyuck widens his eyes in amazement. 

High school classes as a sixth grader? Donghyuck is truly blown away. 

Donghyuck doesn’t really talk to Mark much this year either, only really getting to see each other in the math team meetings and sometimes in the halls. 

He doesn’t really mind. 

Because despite his less than ideal first impression of middle school, Donghyuck finds that he holds up pretty well at his new school. His classes aren’t as difficult as he originally thought, his classmates end up being nice to talk to (most of them, anyway), and he has Renjun. 

He’s invincible, and there’s nothing that can take him down. 

\---

Halfway through seventh grade, Donghyuck gets hit by an epiphany. Rather, Renjun hits him with an epiphany.

Maybe he would’ve been fine living in ignorance. Maybe if Renjun hadn’t brought it up, Donghyuck wouldn’t have jinxed himself.

In any case, Donghyuck would say it starts in the tiny instrument storage room where the two of them are hiding out for the period. Somehow, they had managed to convince the band director they’re capable of practicing on their own without supervision and spend the entire hour hanging out on their phones or messing around with some random object in the storage room. 

Donghyuck is lying across two plastic chairs and attempting a nap when Renjun says, “You and Mark would be cute together.”

“Me and _Mark_? Mark Lee?” Donghyuck chokes out a laugh. “Why do you say that? We’re just friends. Kind of. More like slightly glorified acquaintances.” 

“I don’t know,” Renjun shrugs. “I just get a vibe, you know?”

“No, I don’t.” Donghyuck shakes his head to rid himself of his friend’s words. “You’re so weird.”

But as the days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months, Donghyuck finds himself being unable to shake off Renjun’s words. They follow him and plague his thoughts everywhere: he thinks of them while he’s taking a test (he nearly doesn’t finish on time), while he’s taking a shower (his mom yells at him to stop wasting all the hot water), even while he’s asleep (Donghyuck finds that dream Renjun is just as terrifying as in-person Renjun).

Maybe it wouldn’t be half as bad if it weren’t for the fact Donghyuck starts to act differently towards Mark. Once, when the older boy smiles and waves at him in the halls, Donghyuck does the absolute worst thing by pretending he doesn’t see him and turns a full 180 degrees back the way he came. 

Needless to say, he’s late for class and he’s absolutely mortified at his new behavior.

 _Why am I even acting this way_? Donghyuck asks himself one night. He and Mark don’t even know each other that well--because despite the fact that their parents are friends, he and Mark are just barely acquaintances. It’s not like Mark is smart, or good looking, or super friendly to everyone, or--

Oh.

Donghyuck buries his face under his pillow in embarrassment. So maybe he likes Mark Lee. But he’s definitely not going to tell Renjun to give him the satisfaction of being right. 

\---

It’s subtle, at first, how Mark Lee becomes a strong fixture in his world. Donghyuck guesses he has Jaemin to thank for that.

Donghyuck is 14 years old and is about to start high school. Is he scared? Yes. But that hasn’t stopped him before, and that won’t stop him now.

Jaemin Na enters his life during freshman orientation with the energy and force of a typhoon. Together, with his best friend Jeno Lee in tow, Jaemin and Jeno plant themselves in front of Donghyuck and Renjun, and their friendship starts from there.

Maybe fate brought the four of them together, knowing they’d be important factors in each other's lives. Or maybe it’s because Donghyuck and Renjun were the only other Asian kids in the room, and Jaemin and Jeno immediately gravitated towards them because of it.

In any case, the four of them are instantly inseparable. Donghyuck, while he didn’t _not_ have other friends other than Renjun, he definitely didn’t have anyone else he was super close to. With Jaemin and Jeno, however, it was different. From the way they automatically clicked, Donghyuck knew he found two more friends for life. 

There was never a dull moment with Jaemin. The boy ran on an unhealthy amount of caffeine and impulse, which made for some interesting (but priceless) outcomes. 

And Jeno. At first, Jeno seemed like he acted as damage control for Jaemin, but it didn’t take long for Donghyuck to see he was just as energetic.

If Jaemin was chaotic evil, then Jeno was chaotic neutral. That’s just how they worked.

Freshman year with Jaemin, Jeno, and Renjun is absolutely amazing. They hang out together after school almost every two weeks and partner up in the classes they have with each other. They make the switch from middle school to high school feel like nothing and Donghyuck has never felt so happy or blessed before in his life.

\---

Halfway through freshman year, Jaemin “introduces” them to Mark.

“Guys, this is Mark! He’s a sophomore this year, and he’s on the varsity basketball team!”

It’s lunchtime, and Jeno, Donghyuck, and Renjun are chatting at their table. Jaemin had been mysteriously absent (Jeno said he needed to talk to a teacher) but he showed up halfway through the hour with Mark in tow. 

“Hey, Donghyuck. Renjun.” Mark waves. Donghyuck internally wills his heart to stop doing flips in his chest as he gives Mark a little wave back. 

Jaemin’s face turns into one of surprise. “You know each other?”

Mark shrugs, “Donghyuck and I have been classmates since elementary school, and our parents are kind of close friends. Renjun went to the same middle school as us.”

“Oh,” Jaemin’s eyes sparkle. “That’s cool.”

Jaemin really acts as the glue that connects all of them together. None of them share more than two classes, and almost no one does any of the same extracurriculars. It’s only luck that has all five of them in the same lunch hour. Jaemin invites Mark to sit at their table one day, and he ends up staying with them rather than the basketball players. 

Jaemin also collects all their numbers and starts a group chat which takes off almost immediately. From the memes being sent (and ignored, in Renjun’s case) to random talks about their day, the group chat is never quiet. Donghyuck loves it. 

Pretty soon, Mark gets invited to their group hangouts too. Donghyuck feels a little awkward around him at first, but after he catches Renjun suspiciously staring at him, he learns to act more naturally. 

Donghyuck learns a few more things about Mark after becoming friends with him. 

Mark Lee is incredibly dorky. And a little bit awkward. It throws Donghyuck off the first time they hang out and Mark starts geeking out about anime ( _anime!_ Of all things) with Renjun. He’s not sure why, but he hadn’t expected Mark to like something as mundane as anime. 

It makes him seem more touchable and less like some god that his parents always preach about. 

He also learns Mark helps teach the math team at their old middle school (seriously, how insane can one guy be?). 

Donghyuck also ends up getting roped into coaching the math team when Mark brings up the possibility of Donghyuck teaching to his mom. It’s not terrible (most of the middle school kids do try their hardest to understand the concepts thrown their way), but it’s an hour of coaching math with Mark Lee.

In addition, Donghyuck can’t drive either, so he has to ask Mark to carpool him to and from the meetings. That means every week, on Thursdays, Donghyuck has to spend an extra hour and a half with Mark Lee and teach math. 

He tries his hardest not to implode. 

Freshman year and sophomore year come and go, and Donghyuck gets even closer to Mark. There are times when he thinks, _hopes_ , he sees something else in Mark’s gaze other than a friendly look towards him, but he can never be sure.

But, it’s alright. Mark Lee, no matter how “boy-next-door” he seems, has always been untouchable. Donghyuck has survived living with this crush for the past three years. He can live with it for just a bit more.

\---

Donghyuck gets caught the summer before junior year.

It’s August 13th, which means Donghyuck and his group of friends are all at Jaemin’s house to celebrate his birthday. Jaemin’s cousin Jisung and his friend Chenle (who will be freshman in high school once school starts) are there as well, and they get integrated into the group rather quickly.

They’re all getting invested in a rather intense game of mafia when Donghyuck feels someone pull on his arm. It’s Renjun, and Donghyuck allows himself to be pulled away from the scene, albeit a bit confused.

“Renjun, what--”

“I know you like Mark,” Renjun interrupts.

Donghyuck whips around, panic evident on his face. “Renjun, he’s literally _in the next room_ stop saying things like that so loudly!”

“You didn’t deny it.” 

Donghyuck blinks. _Shit_.

Renjun takes a peek around the corner, confirming there’s no one lurking around to hear their conversation. “Look, I get why you didn’t tell me--and for the record, _ha_ , I was right--but I think you should tell Mark.”

In Donghyuck’s opinion, Renjun has had some pretty great ideas. This was not one of them.

“Tell Mark?” Donghyuck hisses. “What the hell, no. Are you crazy?”

“No, just listen to me. I don’t want to get your hopes up but,” Renjun looks around again before he leans in to whisper in Donghyuck’s ear, “I think there’s a high chance Mark likes you back.”

Donghyuck rips his head away from Renjun’s face, an affronted laugh escaping his lips. “Ok, haha, funny joke. There’s no way someone like Mark would like someone like me.”

Renjun narrows his eyes, “What do you mean ‘someone like Mark’ and ‘someone like me’?” His hands are raised into mock quotations in the air.

Donghyuck huffs, arms crossed in front of his chest. “Have you seen him? He’s basically superhuman, and I’m just me.”

“Mark is only human as well. And I’m not sure why you have this idea that you’re not good enough, but I can assure you, you definitely are.”

Renjun sighs, throwing his hands up in the air. “Besides, you never know if you don’t try.”

“There you guys are!”

Donghyuck whips around at the sound of Jaemin’s voice. Jaemin is absolutely glowing with excitement--perhaps it’s just because it’s his birthday.

“Ah, yeah, Renjun just had to ask me a question. A really dumb question.”

Donghyuck earns himself a smack to the back of his head for that retort. Jaemin laughs, “Alright, well, we’re cutting up the cake soon so you guys should come back.”

Jaemin drags Renjun away with Donghyuck following closely behind. As Jaemin pulls them away to the kitchen, Renjun turns around to give Donghyuck a meaningful glance.

 _At least give it a try_ , his eyes seem to say.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes in response. _Fine. But only because I want to get this over with._

He tries to conceal his growing smile and the hope blooming in his chest. 

\---

The world comes crashing down almost as soon as Donghyuck’s junior year starts. 

On the first day of junior year, Donghyuck woke up determined and on a mission. His best friend should really become a motivational speaker because Renjun’s words are still bouncing in his head and giving him an incentive. He just hopes that drive stays with him for the rest of the day. 

He should have noticed the signs, paid more attention. Maybe he could’ve braced himself more. 

Because then he wouldn’t be in the stalls of the bathroom, crying his fucking eyes out when he should be back with his friends, teasing the new couple about their relationship.

Yeah. New couple. Mark Lee has a boyfriend--and it isn’t him.

Donghyuck doesn’t have anyone to blame but himself. How could he think he stood a chance? Against nearly half the entire student body? And especially against beautiful, kind, talented, Jaemin. 

Maybe he never even had a chance. Maybe he was doomed from the start. 

The bathroom door creaks open, and Donghyuck quickly tries to wipe his eyes and plaster on iconic his troublemaking smile. But the facade is weak at best and the intruder is Renjun, who has always been able to see past even his greatest defenses. 

Donghyuck lets himself be held by Renjun and, if he closes his eyes, he can pretend he’s not sitting on the cold bathroom tiles at school. He can pretend he and Renjun are at his house, and he’s upset over a test he just flunked.

Grades, he knows how to fix. His heart? Not so much.

\---

Time heals all wounds. So, until his wounds heal, Donghyuck hides. 

He’s not particularly proud of himself, but as long as he doesn’t feel like the world is collapsing around him, it’s a little more bearable.

Donghyuck avoids their lunch table, random group hangouts, and takes roundabout routes to his classes just to minimize whatever chance there is of seeing Mark or Jaemin. He even goes so far to ask his dad to carpool him to the middle school. His dad grumbles about the amount of time lost and how he had other things to do, but Donghyuck knows his dad really doesn’t mind that much. 

It’s miserable, but Donghyuck can’t find it in himself to blame anyone but himself. 

It’s not fair to hate Mark. There’s no way he could’ve known (at least, Donghyuck hopes he doesn’t know), and it wouldn’t be fair to force feelings onto him. 

Obviously, he can’t find himself to hate Jaemin either because the other is just too damn nice and they were-- _are_ \--friends first.

 _They’re cute together_ , Donghyuck has to admit albeit a little bitterly. Mark and Jaemin complete each other like the moon and its stars, in a way Donghyuck could only hope to be. 

He manages to hold out until winter break, which is an impressively long time to be hiding away. Renjun gets a little pissed at him for being absent for so long, but he doesn’t try to forcefully coerce him back at any time.

 _You can’t keep hiding forever_ , Renjun reminds him over break.

 _Yeah, but I can try_. He petulantly types back and shuts his phone off for the rest of the day.

The rest of winter break goes by smoothly. He spends a lot of time on his Xbox and runs away from any productive work that needs to be done. 

Not a bad way to spend his break, if you ask Donghyuck.

_But you always do this. Run away when it’s easy to and avoid anything that could cause any sort of trouble._

Donghyuck shoves his face deeper into his pillow to shut up his thoughts.

The night of New Year’s Eve, just a few minutes before the ball drops in New York, Donghyuck receives a text from Chenle in the groupchat.

_Happy New Years guys! Got any resolutions?_

As the group chat blows up with notifications, Donghyuck continues to stare at Chenle’s text. New Year's resolutions...

The clock strikes eleven o’clock, and the Ball finally drops in New York. 

He’s technically still got an hour before the New Year, but Donghyuck knows what his resolution is for the year. He’s not running away anymore.

\---

School starts again on a Thursday, which means Donghyuck needs to help Mark at the middle school. 

His fingers hover over his dad’s contact, about to text him to carpool him again when Renjun’s words and his own resolution come to mind.

 _You can’t keep hiding forever. You're not running away anymore_.

Sighing, Donghyuck moves away from his dad’s contact and clicks on another person’s contact.

 _Hey_ , he taps out. _Could I ride with you today?_

Mark’s response is almost immediate. _Of course. I’ll meet you at the usual spot._

True to his word, Mark is at the front desk as soon as the last bell rings. Donghyuck finds him there, and gives a wave in response to Mark’s greeting.

“Thanks again for the ride,” Donghyuck says. His heart flips at the smile he receives in response.

It’s been a while since Donghyuck has been within a five feet radius of Mark, much less be alone with the other. He stands around awkwardly as Mark shovels off the snow that had built up on his car during the day, thanking him again when they’re finally in the vehicle. 

As Mark fidgets with the radio, Donghyuck internally cringes at the awkwardness evident in the air. Donghyuck usually never has an issue striking a conversation with anyone--much less Mark Lee--so he can’t help but think about how _wrong_ this all feels. 

“So, uh,” he clears his throat. “How have you been these days?”

“Good,” Mark replies. “Basketball practice is grueling as usual, but I think we’ll be fine this year. Jisung is pretty good, and so is Chenle, surprisingly.”

Donghyuck sighs, “I wouldn’t be so surprised about Chenle. All he talks about is Stephen Curry. He probably plays basketball in his sleep just for him.”

Mark gives Donghyuck a small smile at his comment before the car is engulfed in silence once again. It feels stifling, and Donghyuck anxiously taps out texts to Renjun to pass the time, who yells reassuring words of encouragement. 

They quietly make their way to the middle school except for the radio blasting generic pop songs. It takes a whole five minutes before Mark clears his throat and says, “Oh--uh--by the way. I don’t know if you heard but I was accepted. To Brown.”

Brown University--Mark’s dream school. Of course he was accepted-- _early decision_ , nonetheless. If there was anyone that could do it, it was Mark.

“I’m happy for you,” Donghyuck smiles softly. “Congratulations.” 

Mark lets out a nervous chuckle, “Thank you.”

An awkward silence fills the car as they pull into the parking lot. Donghyuck fiddles with the straps of his backpack and goes to open the door when Mark says, “I was actually a little scared to tell you.”

“Scared? Why? You thought I was going to steal your letter or something?”

Mark lets out a startled laugh, “No, but please don’t do that.” He nervously drums his fingers against the steering wheel, his shoulders tense and his eyes flickering from side to side.

“You’ve been a little distant recently. Quite frankly, I wasn’t quite sure if you wanted to know or if you even cared anymore.”

The words hit like a slap on the face. He knew no one except Renjun knew why he was constantly absent from their group hangouts. But in the midst of his self-healing, Donghyuck hadn’t even stopped to think what his other friends (especially Mark) thought about his sudden absences. 

“Mark…” Donghyuck clears his throat, hoping the other boy doesn’t notice the tremble. “Mark, of course I still care. We’re still friends, aren’t we? I just had some personal problems to deal with; but even then, I’ll still care. Do you understand?”

Mark heaves a sigh, but his shoulders are now visibly less tense. “Yeah...You’re right. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I reacted so viciously. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

“Of course I forgive you dumbass. You’ve definitely done dumber things than this and I’ve forgiven you for it.”

Mark laughs again, but this time it’s full and hearty, nothing like the nervous ones he’d been letting out the entire car ride. Donghyuck relaxes as well--their dynamic hasn't been broken. 

“And I hope you’ll forgive me too. For being a pain and for being so...distracted.”

Mark looks over at him with such a fond smile Donghyuck has to pretend he dropped something to regain his composure. 

“Hyuck, I’ll always forgive you. No matter what.”

Donghyuck sits stunned as Mark offers a smile and climbs out of the car. He turns around, a teasing glint in his eyes. “You coming?”

Donghyuck grips the handles of his backpack, feeling way lighter than he’s felt in a while. “Of course.”

\---

The rest of the year passes by in a blur.

After that day in Mark’s car, Donghyuck finds it in himself to make his way back to his lunch table. He shows up, sits down, engages in a conversation with Jeno, and it’s like he never left. It still takes a while for his heart to stop clenching at Jaemin and Mark’s couple antics, but when he’s finally able to genuinely smile in front of them, it makes all the missed time worth it.

Second semester passes quicker than first semester; before they know it, finals and AP testing hurtle towards them at a surprising speed. Donghyuck curses his past self for making the executive decision to take four APs even more, but at least he’s not alone. Excluding Jisung and Chenle (lucky little demon children), the rest of his friend group also signed up for certain death through AP exams.

When he finally stumbles out of the last exam room, he books it back to his house and throws himself on his bed. _One more year_ , Donghyuck sighs before he passes out from exhaustion.

The senior graduation ceremony takes place a week after all the testing has been wrapped up. This year, their school got first dibs on the facility, so Donghyuck drags himself out of bed at an ungodly hour to drive himself (yes, he _finally_ drives now) to make it to the ceremony. 

Donghyuck is the last person to arrive at the venue. He waves at all his friends, and Jaemin, as extra as ever, takes out a goddamn cowbell and air horn to sound when Mark’s name is called. He thrusts the items into the hands of a terrified Jisung (“Aren’t these prohibited??”) and shoots a text to Mark to let him know they’re all present. 

“Why do you have both a cowbell _and_ an air horn?” Jeno wonders. “How are you supposed to use both of them at the same time?”

“I’m not going to use both at the same time, dummy.” Jaemin sticks his tongue out. “Obviously someone else is going to have to take one. Like Jisung! Jisung, come here~!”

The ceremony itself takes forever. Speeches from the principal, student council president, superintendent, and a billion other people are made. At one point, Renjun nudges Donghyuck and points at the mass of robes and mortarboards. “Weird to think that we’ll be there next year,” he whispers.

“Ugh, don’t say that.” Donghyuck groans, placing his head in his hands. “I feel so old now.”

Finally, after what feels like a million years, they start calling the students up to receive their diploma. 

Since they’re listing names in alphabetical order by last name, Mark fits almost right in the middle of his graduating class. Two people before Mark’s name is called, Donghyuck finds an air horn bottle right in front of his face.

“Here,” Jaemin says. “I think you should take it. You and Mark have known each other the longest, right?”

“Oh--right.” He hesitates slightly. “Jaemin, I can take the cowbell instead. The air horn is louder, you can probably get Mark’s attention better with it--”

Jaemin holds his hand up, a soft smile still planted on his face. “Take it. I think it’ll mean a lot if you have it. Besides, I think his attention will already be up here.” 

“Mark Lee!”

Donghyuck grins at Jaemin, and the other flashes a quick smile before he starts aggressively smacking the cowbell. Donghyuck looks towards the stage at Mark, who’s beaming up at his group of friends. Donghyuck locks eyes with him and grins before he presses the air horn as loudly and as obnoxiously as he can.

\---

Jaemin and Mark break up over the summer. 

Donghyuck finds out from Renjun, who found out from Chenle, who found out from Jeno, who was the first person Jaemin told. Apparently, Mark was the one to break things off with Jaemin because he wasn’t sure if he could handle going into college and maintaining a relationship at home. 

“I think that’s a bullshit reason,” Renjun says one day. “It’s the 21st century. We all have phones and technology. They could have made it work if Mark wanted to try.”

 _But he hadn’t_. Donghyuck puts his headphones back on his head and tries to drown out his intrusive thoughts. 

Summer passes by too slowly. Donghyuck spends most of his time writing his college admissions essays and complaining with Jeno and Renjun (and occasionally Jaemin) about said college essays. 

“I can’t believe our parents are making us write them right now,” Jeno pouts. “Do they know none of us ever stay on top of any work given to us?” 

Donghyuck snorts out a laugh and Jeno grins back in response. It’s true though, almost no one in their group can say they’ve never procrastinated before. Most of Donghyuck’s fondest memories (for legal reasons, this is a joke) involve staying up trying to crank out an essay. 

Nothing like writing an essay driven by sheer panic and sugar at three in the morning.

Still, it’s strange, Donghyuck thinks. He’s about to finish high school and he’s applying for _college_. Everything he’s done for the past twelve years has all chalked up to these last few moments and it’s a little surreal. Donghyuck isn’t sure if he wants it to end or not.

Unfortunately, the universe answers for him because summer also passes by too quickly. In the blink of an eye, it’s mid-August and tomorrow is Mark Lee’s going away party. 

Mark Lee. Going away. To college. Another side effect of growing: your friends you grew up with are growing up too, and you can’t all stay together forever.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to this,” Renjun complains from his perch on Donghyuck’s bed. 

Donghyuck himself is lying on the ground, scrolling through his social media. For the past half an hour, Renjun had been ranting about a variety of different topics from school, to the humid weather, to random Internet conspiracy theories. Donghyuck had listened for the first few minutes (he’s a good friend, he swears) but eventually ended up tuning his friend out, occasionally inserting a non-committal hum in lieu of a response. Fortunately, Renjun didn’t seem to notice he’d stopped listening up until Donghyuck answered “that’s too bad” when Renjun had asked when his lunch period for next year was.

Silence ensues for the next few seconds, and Donghyuck doesn’t think much about it. He continues scrolling through Instagram, assuming his friend got bored of ranting by himself. Renjun shuffles around on Donghyuck’s bed before he quietly states, “I think you should tell Mark you used to have a crush on him.”

 _That_ gets Donghyuck’s attention. He freezes and his phone slips from his hands as he registers his friend’s suggestion.

“What the fu--ow!” He hisses in pain as he bumps his head from sitting up too fast. “Renjun, I thought we agreed to let bygones be bygones. Why bring it up?”

Renjun rolls over to give him one of his famous unimpressed looks. “Okay, first, I don’t think I agreed on anything; we just stopped talking about it after the first month of school. Second, Hyuck, I know you. You’re a fantasizer, a dreamer. It’s cute, but he’s leaving for college in literally two days. I think you need to finally clear the air.”

_Clear the air?_

“I think the air is pretty clear already,” Donghyuck mumbles, and Renjun tilts his head in confusion. “The sky is blue and there aren’t any clouds today,” Donghyuck huffs. 

Rolling his eyes, Renjun reaches over and softly flicks the area in the middle of Donghyuck’s forehead. “You know what I mean. I think both you and Mark need to hear the truth.”

That was a day ago. Now, Donghyuck stands in front of Mark’s house holding a bowl of fruit his parents had made him take while nervously wiping his hands in front of his pants. 

Unfortunately, as much as Donghyuck wanted to argue and run away from the prospect of confronting Mark, he has to admit that Renjun is right (most of the time). Steeling his nerves, Donghyuck takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. 

A few seconds pass before the door opens, revealing Mark himself. There’s yelling coming from behind the door, and Donghyuck assumes he’s the last one to arrive.

“Hey,” Mark breathes, “I’m glad you could make it.”

Donghyuck grins and hands over the bowl of fruit. “It’s no problem. Congratulations, again.”

He waves at Jeno and Jisung, who are enraptured by something on the latter’s phone. Renjun and Chenle are too busy trying to beat the other at Mario Kart to acknowledge anything else in the room; every so often, however, a few Chinese swear words make their way out of Renjun’s mouth.

Jaemin isn’t there. Donghyuck kind of expected that to be the case. 

For the next hour, the six of them play random games and mess around on Mark’s outdated Wii. They even play Dance Dance Revolution at one point, which Jisung and Jeno totally dominate. It’s nice, being all together, but it’s obvious someone is missing. Jisung and Chenle aren’t shrieking from being smothered with hugs, Jeno isn’t making random comments only he and his best friend would know, and Mark isn’t smiling as someone whispers some remarks in his ears. Sometimes, when Donghyuck looks over at Mark, the other seems to be staring into space, not registering the activity around him.

Donghyuck isn’t going to lie, it hurts to see Mark like this. His heart clenches a little whenever he sees the vacant look on the other’s face. 

“I’m gonna go outside for a second,” Donghyuck mutters to no one in particular. He stands up, stretches his limbs, and opens the back door to the pool.

Tossing his phone safely on the grass, he ambles over to the edge of the pool and sits over the edge. Donghyuck hisses when his legs submerge in the water--despite the hot, balmy air temperature, the water was still a bit chilly.

Donghyuck slowly swings his legs back and forth in the pool, his thoughts raging in his head. There’s no other way to explain it, but for some reason, Donghyuck feels a little bit closer to Mark tonight. He can’t exactly pinpoint _why_ , but his thoughts keep drifting back to the melancholic faces Mark kept making tonight. They were all so...human. 

Maybe that’s it. After all these years of thinking Mark to be someone superhuman, he’s finally brought back to earth by his show of emotions.

No, not just emotions. Longing.

 _That’s something you’re familiar with_ , Donghyuck bitterly thinks. 

“Hey.”

It’s Mark. Donghyuck tries to ignore the pounding in his chest as he motions for the other to sit next to him. “Hey yourself.”

“Why aren’t you inside with all the others?”

Donghyuck shrugs. “Just felt like I needed some fresh air. They can be kind of a lot sometimes.”

“Don’t I know it,” Mark sighs. “I had to stop Jeno and Jisung from each other way too many times tonight and they’ve only been here for three hours.”

Donghyuck chuckles and silence falls over them like a thick blanket. He knows Jeno and Jisung, while pretty quiet separately, were quite the duo when put together. No one really knew how to calm them down except for Jaemin. 

“I’m...sorry about Jaemin, by the way. Sorry that didn’t work out.”

Mark heaves a sigh, idly swishing his feet in the water. “That’s just life. Sometimes things work out how you want them to...and sometimes they don’t.” 

He twists his head to look straight at Donghyuck, who quickly whips his head away from the other.

Heart pounding, Donghyuck steels his gaze at the sky. He knows he has to say it now, but he fears the words would just get stuck in his throat the minute he even glances over at the older boy.

“You know,” Donghyuck fakes nonchalance. “I had a crush on you for the longest time.”

There it was. His secret was out.

He winces slightly when he hears Mark choke and cough. He’d suspected Mark’s reaction would be something like that, because while he could tear up the courts and maintain a 4.0 GPA, Mark Lee could not take compliments (or confessions, for that matter) to save his life. 

“You--I, uh.” Mark says intelligently, face as red as a fire hydrant. Donghyuck snickers a little behind his hands even though his face is probably equally as red, if not a little more. Mark starts again, “How long have--has that been going on? Have you had a crush on me this whole time?”

“Are you asking to make fun of me? Because I swear I tried to stop as soon as you and Jaemin--”

“No!” Mark shouts, hands flapping in front of his face. “No that’s--I. No. I’m just asking because I had a crush on you too.” 

_I had a crush on you too._

For some reason, these seven words hold more weight than anything else Donghyuck ever felt. There’s so much hidden potential the words have, and Donghyuck isn’t sure if he likes the swooping feeling in his stomach.

“Oh.” 

The air between them is awkward for a few moments, neither of them knowing what to say after putting their feelings out in the open. If it had been a year ago, Donghyuck imagines he would have been ecstatic. His crush liked him back! 

But now. After he’s let his mending heart heal, he’s not sure what he wants to do with this new information.

Mark nervously clears his throat. “Do you still like me?”

Donghyuck grips the edge of the pool a bit tighter. He’s asked himself that same question ever since Mark and Jaemin broke up--maybe ever since they even got together. His heart still rushes full of emotion whenever he thinks about the other, sure, but isn’t it the same when he’s around Renjun? Or Jeno? Or, hell, even Chenle and Jisung?

Maybe he still likes Mark Lee. Or maybe he never liked him at all, confusing friendly love with romantic love.

Donghyuck swallows back the lump in his throat. “I--”

“Hey losers, what are you doing out here alone?”

It’s Renjun, followed closely behind by Jeno, Jisung, and Chenle. It seems that they finally got bored of the Wii. 

Donghyuck feels a rush of relief at being interrupted. He’s not quite sure if he can answer Mark’s question yet. 

“Trash talking you,” Donghyuck snips back, and his heart blooms a little when he hears Mark’s little laugh. “What are you gonna do about it?”

Not smart. A provoked Renjun was a terrifying Renjun. Raising his eyebrows, Renjun walks closer. “You do realize you’re right next to a pool right? It wouldn’t take much for me to just...push you in.”

Donghyuck’s eye twitches, “Don’t you dare--”

Not more than a second later, Donghyuck feels the cool water surrounding his body. Fucking Renjun. He hears a splash come from somewhere to his right, which he assumes is Mark being pushed in as well. 

“Water fight!” Chenle yells, and soon, the pool is turned into a war zone.

Donghyuck finds himself being splashed in all different directions and gets a face full of water, courtesy of Mark. He receives a smirk and offers Mark a grin of his own. He splashes back and ducks as Jeno sprays an arc of water over his head. High off the revelations and the presence of all his friends, Donghyuck feels a huge weight being lifted off his shoulders. So maybe he and Mark could have been a thing, if either of them acted sooner. Maybe he would’ve been the heartbroken one tonight, not Jaemin.

But, Donghyuck thinks as he looks around at the anarchy in the pool, it’s all right. It’ll be alright. Because in this great big world full of maybes, he’s certain for nights like these and memories he wouldn’t replace.

**Author's Note:**

> to the mark lee of my life:  
> you’re probably never going to know this about me because i’m really bad with confrontation so i decided to write something to find closure instead. we met at such a young age and i feel like we really did grow up with each other. i’m happy we were able to get closer within the past few years, and i hope i made as much of an impact on you as you did on me. maybe we can meet again as friends--true friends--without me worrying about whether you liked something i said or if you liked me too (i’m getting there soon, don’t worry). good luck in college: your program is one of the most difficult in the country. but i honestly believe if you can’t do it, then no one can. thank you for all the memories we’ve made over the past seven years; they’re truly irreplaceable. i’ll talk to you soon.
> 
> best wishes,  
> kay ♡


End file.
